Ineffective Daily Affirmations

- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

- I am at one with my duality.

- Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

- I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.

- Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

- I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

- Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute...I'll find someone.

- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

- The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

- I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

- Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.

- To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.