A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly the light turns yellow just in front of him. He does the right thing and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says,

"I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

"I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

"Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

"When in doubt, look intelligent!"

- Garrison Keillor

* Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

* At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

* When in doubt -- anything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

* Following the rules will not get the job done. BUT getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

How to Get Rid of Your Preacher:

- Look him straight in the eye and say 'Amen' once in a while. He'll preach himself to death within a few weeks.

- Pat him on the back and brag on his good points. He'll work himself to death.

- Start paying him a living wage. He's probably been on starvation wages for so long he'll eat himself to death.

- Rededicate your own life and ask the preacher to give you a job to do. He'll probably die of heart failure.

- Get the congregation to unite in prayer for the pastor. He'll become so effective some larger church will soon take him off your hands.