Inspiration

Leaders of the Laodicean Church in Canada last week announced the publication of a new hymnal. "This is truly a hymnal for the new century," said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Armm.

"This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our tradition," Bishop Armm explained. "At the core of our belief is the motto, 'Moderation in all things,' and that applies to our faith life as well. We just don't like to get carried away." When asked if the new hymnal will help the Laodicean Church attract new members, Bishop Armm replied, "People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They'd much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our church seeks to meet that need. This hymnal will help with that, I think."

Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla ("Presh") S. Moment, explained some of the difficulty the committee had in choosing hymns. "Many of the old favourites just won't cut it among Laodiceans," said Moment. "We had to change a lot of the wording to make them fit with our style. We tried to incorporate some new songs into the book, but we had trouble finding Laodiceans interested in writing new music."

The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very carefully, explained Moment. "We didn't want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands any more like 'Worship' or 'Hymn.'" Here
is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean hymnal:

A Comfy Swedish Mattress Is Our God
Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
Be Thou My Hobby
Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
He's Quite a Bit to Me
I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviours on Jesus
I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
I Surrender Some
I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
It Is My Secret What God Can Do
Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
Just as I Pretend to Be
Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
O, God, Our Enabler in Ages past
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
Oh, How I like Jesus
Onward, Christian Reservists
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere near Me
Take My Life and Let Me Be
There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
When Peace, like a Trickle
When the Saints Go Drifting in
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following

"When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change."

"The Quitter"

Fate handed the quitter a bump, and he dropped;
The road seemed too rough to go, so he stopped.
He thought of his hurt, and there came to his mind
The easier path he was leaving behind.

Oh, it's all much too hard, said the quitter right then;
I'll stop where I am and not try it again.
He sat by the road and he made up his tale
To tell when men asked why he happened to fail.

A thousand excuses flew up to his tongue,
And these on the thread of his story he strung,
But the truth of the matter he didn't admit;
He never once said, I was frightened and quit.

Whenever the quitter sits down by the road
And drops from the struggle to lighten his load,
He can always recall to his own peace of mind
A string of excuses for falling behind;

But somehow or other he can't think of one
Good reason for battling and going right on.
Oh, when the bump comes and fate hands you a jar,
Don't baby yourself, boy, whoever you are;

Don't pity yourself and talk over your woes;
Don't think up excuses for dodging the blows.
But stick to the battle and see the thing through.
And don't be a quitter, whatever you do.

- Edgar A. Guest

"My life is based on a true story."