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Captivated by Wild at Heart

As might be suggested by the title, I am a young woman who has been reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. Over breakfast, the best meal of the day, I have just read the key to my last failed relationship.

I'm going to start off with some advice first though. Men, don't take your question to Eve. She will not thank you for it, and you will not find your answer. Let me explain.

 

According to Wild at Heart, a man's question is "Do I have what it takes?" He searches for this throughout his life until his father answers that question for him. A woman's question on other hand, is "Am I lovely?" All girls want to know that they are pretty and loved. They do not have to be pretty physically, as we really want people to see the beauty within that we so desperately try to reveal to the "right man."

Thinking back to my relationship, the only major relationship in my life with a man, and it turned sour after two and a half years of being together. Why did it turn sour? He brought his question to me, and I in my youth thought I could answer it for him. I knew that his relationship with his dad wasn't all that, neither was his relationship with his mum for that matter. He came to me searching, and as I was searching for the answer to my question too, we thought we'd cracked it, and that we'd end up married, old, and having kids together. It all seemed so perfect. He told me that I was lovely, and I told him that he had what it took. He was a man. That wasn't enough though, because a man can never be satisfied with the answer which a woman can give him - he is always searching for the approval of his father.

The result was that when he was sober, I was enough for him. I was the bare minimum of an answer, but I was something. Enter the alcohol. Perceptions changed, and he wanted to be seen as a man. As so many men do, he searched for it in sexuality, and when I wasn't around, he would search for his answer in other women. I wasn't enough for him. I wasn't lovely enough. He felt like I had violated his answer, and I felt for all the world he had violated mine. His actions told me that I wasn't lovely enough. What a way for a relationship to fall apart, and how many relationships follow the same path?

We were searching in the wrong place. Over a year later, I see that now, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't still hurt. It hurts everyday, because the answer to my question was no. He didn't even get a satisfactory answer for his. We both need to go to our father, our heavenly father, and ask our questions of Him. Disney's film "The Prince of Egypt" has a wonderful song in it, whose lyrics ask you to "look at yourself through heaven's eyes." If I did that, I would get my question. If he did that, he would find his answer there too. Of course heaven knows my true beauty. Of course heaven knows that he has everything he needs to be a man. God created us both, and put all those qualities in us right there and then, in full view of the rest of heaven.

I know now to look for his question. Has it been answered? If it hasn't, is that why he's come to me? I won't try and answer that question again. It's not my question to answer, and in return, I won't bring you mine. I know that for now, it's me and God time, not me and thee and God. When He says I'm ready, He will provide my husband. God will provide a husband who is also ready for me, and we won't need to bring our questions to each other, because we'll already have the answers. I have absolute faith in God for this. I know that He provides over and above my expectations, and I'm excited to find out who He has provided me with, but for now, I'm enjoying the time I get with Him on my own.