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Cat Commandments

  • cat lying downThou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.
  • Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
  • Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
  • Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are not transparent.
  • Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
  • Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
  • Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
  • Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.
  • Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
  • Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
  • Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.
  • Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.
  • Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4a.m.
  • Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
  • Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
  • Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.
  • Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
  • Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.
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