In a restaurant one day, a pirate was talking to the waiter. The waiter asked him, "Why do you have a peg leg?"
The pirate answered, "Back when I was sailing the seas, a big shark noticed me swimming one day and bit off me leg."
"Well, then how did you get the hook?" the waiter asked, pointing to the place where the pirate's left hand used to be.
The pirate responded, "Well, me crew and myself were engaged in a rough battle one day and me hand was cut off by a slimy coward's sword."
The waiter looked at the hook for a moment. "Well now I have to ask how you got the eye patch."
The pirate snarled, "I looked at a gull flying overhead in the harbor one day and it took a dump right in me eye."
The waiter was puzzled by this last explanation. "How would that make you get an eye patch?"
The pirate responded, "First day with me hook."