You Know It's Time To Diet When . . .
You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
You go to the zoo and the elephants throw peanuts to you.
You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
Your blood type is Ragu.
You could sell shade.