- photo by Susan PageIt takes time to sift through our memories, and the process can be like peering into a murky mirror. There may be a distorted mixed bag of recollections in the form of words that were said and perhaps conversations that never happened.

The passage of time allows us to gain a new perspective, and when looking back, we may discover things we might have missed, and it’s like unravelling a tangled ball of yarn, which is a messy process. There are old black-and-white mental reflections that tumble through our memory banks like the jittery images found in ancient family movies.

I have had many thoughts about my father during these past weeks. Easter 2025 marked the 30th Anniversary of my dad’s passing, or as they say in the Salvation Army, his promotion to glory. My dad passed away on April 18th, 1995, and in some ways, it feels like yesterday.

My dad came from very humble beginnings, never knowing who his biological father was, even up to the time of his passing. My dad never went to high school. He and my mom married when she was 18 and he was 20. They left their roots in New Brunswick and settled in Hamilton, Ontario, with barely a few dollars to their name. My older brother was born in New Brunswick, I was born three years later in Hamilton, Ontario, followed by a younger sister and brother.

My father had a family of 6 to provide for, and he did that by running his own business. He was a diligent worker, a faithful husband and a good dad. In my teens, our family moved to Burlington, where my dad faithfully served in the local Salvation Army as a Corps Sergeant Major from 1972 until his passing.

My dad was a strong disciplinarian with unique ways of showing his children he loved them. His feelings were generally expressed through teasing and roughhousing. He had exacting standards for our behaviour, teaching us the meaning of hard work and respect.

I longed to hear that my dad was proud of me and that I was loved, but those words were never expressed. With time, I realized that spoken words of affirmation were never something that he had experienced. His upbringing was difficult, and as time passed, some of the things he endured have been revealed. Now I know that for my dad, providing for his family was his expression of love.

My dad knew the Lord. His favourite lyrics of a chorus were, “Love lifted me, love lifted me, when no one but Christ could help, love lifted me!” Interestingly, it was all about love!

When my father’s body was racked with cancer, I expressed my love to him. I am grateful, yet as I have lived longer than my dad, I have grown to have a heart wide open for expressing my feelings to others.

Why wait until a loved one has passed to tell them how we feel? This makes no sense. In one of the last episodes of the popular sitcom The Big Bang Theory, the dad suddenly passes away from a heart attack. In the funeral scene, each of his children spoke words they wished they had expressed to their father while he was alive. Words like “Thank you for everything,” "I won’t let you down,” and “I love you.”

We can hold back on words that would mean so much to someone out of feelings of embarrassment, a fear of rejection, or a belief that there will always be opportunities in the future. Sometimes, we miss out and then face those feelings of “if only.”

Words are precious and have lasting and untold value. There are Scripture references that teach the importance of our spoken expressions.

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24)

“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” (2 Corinthians 13:11)

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.” (Romans 15:5)

While thinking of my earthly father during this Easter season, I couldn’t help but be deeply moved by one of Christ’s last expressions of love towards His family. While Jesus hung on the cross in total agony, He was able to put aside that pain while he conveyed love to His earthly mother, Mary. He said, “Behold your son,” and to John, His most beloved friend, “Behold your mother.” Words that expressed His love and care for Mary, and the confidence and trust He placed in His closest friend.

While my dad could not be vocally expressive about his feelings, I’m thankful to realize that he loved me, and I have come to appreciate things that I never understood before. I like to think that when we say the words we want to say often enough, they become natural and fluid. So, as I quietly sift through the memories, I want to say, “Thank you, Dad! You are loved and deeply missed.”

Susan Page is the daughter of the King, His beloved child, wonderfully forgiven and blessed! Susan longs to age gracefully, becoming more like Jesus as she seeks the hidden treasures revealed to her through Scripture, literature, the arts, humankind, and nature.