A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.

He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner.

The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

He began to trot toward the bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the bay and threw the bronze rat as far out into the bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the bay after it, and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop.

"Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"

"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze politician?"

If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You

Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!

HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together.

The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'"

His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'"

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election.

"More on candidates at 10 P.M.," he said.

My ten-year-old granddaughter Ashley looked at me in disbelief.

"I didn't know they could call politicians 'morons' on national television!" she remarked.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

One day, Canada will take over the world; then you'll all be sorry.

I, Pastor Tim, (neither Republican nor Democrat) warn you now that if you are either (or both) and cannot laugh at yourself, you should just delete this now.

Image used with permission by DragonArtz Designs.

Republicans vs. Democrats at Christmas

Republicans say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

1.  Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
     But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

2.  Have you ever noticed?  Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

3.  You have to stay in shape.  My friend's grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60.  She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.

4.  I'm not into working out.  My philosophy: No pain, no pain.