Mitch Hedberg One Liners

  • Oneliner #1125

    car washI know a lot about cars; I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

    - Mitch Hedberg

  • Oneliner #1128

    escalatorI like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

    - Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

  • Oneliner #1238

    Gambling one linerI like to play blackjack; I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

    - Mitch Hedberg