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Animal Jokes

  • 10 Common Canine Complaints

    dog21. Building mounted fire hose connections are no substitute for a real hydrant.

    2. "Why can't I just make an appointment with the groomer to get my nails done? I can do without the shampoo, blow-dry and stupid pink bows."

    3. Nintendo is not easily paw operated.

    4. There are no real career opportunities for a dog who has been fixed.

    5. Silk plants may look real but when chewed cause extreme flatulence.

    6. "If Barbie wasn't meant as a chew toy, why do little girls set up her Dream House within easy reach?"

    7. No breakfast in bed.

    8. Really cool sneaker companies don't make doggie booties.

    9. "Snausages" is not in the dictionary.

    10. The average refrigerator door seam is too narrow to be easily opened by a snout.

  • Gorilla Removal

    gorillaDid I tell you the story about the day I arrived home from work and discovered a gorilla sitting on my roof? Not knowing what to do, I opened the Yellow Pages and looked up "Gorilla Removal." I called the only listing. A man quickly arrived and removed the following equipment from his truck: a ladder, a bunch of bananas, a big stick, a pair of handcuffs, a Chihuahua and a gun.

  • Taking Advice

    flamingoWhen my friends told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.