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Outdoors Puns

  • snakeWhat do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?

    A π-thon.

  • purpleA blue ship crashed with a red ship.

    The survivors were marooned.

  • tree with vineA lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

    The lumberjack grinned and said, "And you will dialogue."

  • Porpoise punA research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise on one of its trips. Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free.

    "Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?"

    "Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor, "That would be defeeting the porpoise."

  • professor in class"The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground."

  • mountain hillsMountains aren't just funny. They are hill areas.

  • plateau flatteryA plateau: the highest form of flattery.

  • Lamb PunWhat do you call a herd of sheep tumbling down a hill?

    A lambslide of course.

  • hiker trail compass punSays one hiker, "Dang, I can't find the device that helps me locate delicious mushrooms!"

    Responds his friend, "Oh no! You've lost your morel compass!"

  • rowing a row boat.Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.

  • Raymond Burr punDid you know Raymond Burr had a brother who was a lumberjack?

    His name was Tim.

  • hiker snowJohann Strauss was an avid mountain climber who once waltzed himself into deep trouble. He lost his footing and found himself hanging by his fingertips over a bottomless gorge.

    Another climber heroically came to his rescue and just managed to grab Johann by a strap of his backpack to save the Maestro's life.

    Since then, the act of trying to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation has come to be known as grasping at Strauss.

  • nightI stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

  • Playing at a playgroundWe took my sons, ages seven and five, up to Friendship Park for a picnic.

    My seven year old read the sign with all the playground rules to his brother.

    "Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion."

    "Go down the slide while sitting, only."

    "Only one child on a swing at a time."

  • tent punYou can't run through a campground.

    You can only ran, because it's past tents.

  • pirate punA pirate captain was out to retrieve his buried treasure.

    After months of hard sailing, his ship caught sight of land, the land to which his treasure map had been leading. He and his first mate disembarked on the island to search out the buried treasure, which was supposed to lie hidden deep within a swamp at the center of the island.

  • fogI tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist!

  • snowmanWhat do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

    Frostbite