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Nurse Jokes

  • Hospital Bill

    Picture of a hospital patientA man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awoke from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

    As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for services. He was asked if he had health insurance.

    He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

    The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

    He replied, "No money in the bank."

    The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

    He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

    The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly. "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God,"

    The patient replies, "That's right! Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

  • You Might Be a Nurse If

    nursesYou might be a nurse if...

    ~ You avoid unhealthy looking people in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

    ~ It doesn't bother you to eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand.

    ~ You've had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots."

    ~ You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.

    ~ You plan your next meal while performing gastric lavage.

    ~ You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.

    ~ You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.

    ~ You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered food.

    ~ You know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.