Aggressive Carolers: Wassailants

This past weekend, I was doing some baking for the holidays. It was getting late and I was tired. So, I decided to leave the cleanup mess until the next morning.

The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the countertop.

Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI.

They confirmed that I did, in fact, have AntTracks. Yikes!

I don't think I'll attend Christmas dinner this year. 

My wife gave me a haircut this morning, and now she said she's going to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

The Sunday after Christmas, the Sunday School teacher told her students about an angel appearing to Joseph in a dream, warning him about danger to the baby Jesus and telling him how to escape from it.

After the story time, the students were given an opportunity to draw a picture about the story. Most of the pictures were predictable, but Johnny's had an odd element in it.

What is King Wenceslas' favorite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp, and even.

Christmas time is a season when many people are more interested in the present than the past. 

Some of these are horrible. Enjoy!

What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle

Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?
Santa's little Elvis

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude Olph"

Many years ago, I was casting kids at our church for the annual Christmas play. I gave the children choices, such as Shepherd, Lamb, Villager.

One 5-year-old couldn't decide, so I said, "Luke, you can be a Villager."

He said, "OK," and ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them:

"Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!"

"Christmas is a time when lots of people get Santa-mental."

“Christmas: That time of year when mother has to separate the men from the toys.”

- Lee Daniel Quinn

Some of you on this list will actually enjoy these - proof once again of the need for more therapists in the world, lol.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia!

What disasters could happen if you dropped the Christmas turkey?
The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China and the overthrow of Greece!

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Someone steals your Christmas parcels.

Better call the police Navidad.