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Christmas Puns

  • Christmas Assault

    carolersAggressive Carolers: Wassailants

  • Christmas Baking

    kneading doughThis past weekend, I was doing some baking for the holidays. It was getting late and I was tired. So, I decided to leave the cleanup mess until the next morning.

    The next morning, I was getting my coffee and I noticed thousands of little tiny footprints in the flour on the counter top.

    Needless to say, I wasted no time calling the FBI. They CONFIRMED that I did, in fact, have AntTracks.

    Stupid terrorists!!

  • Christmas Dinner

    turkeyI don't think I'll attend this years Christmas dinner.

    My wife gave me a haircut this morning.

    And now she said she's going to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

  • Christmas Journey

    church crecheThe Sunday after Christmas, the Sunday School teacher told her students about an angel appearing to Joseph in a dream, warning him about danger to the baby Jesus and telling him how to escape from it.

    After the story time, the students were given an opportunity to draw a picture about the story. Most of the pictures were predictable, but Johnny's had an odd element in it.

  • Christmas Pizza

    A good Christmas and Pizza PunWhat is King Wenceslas' favorite pizza?

     

    One that's deep pan, crisp, and even.

  • Christmas Present

    Christmastime is a season when many people are more interested in the present than the past. 

  • Christmas Puns

    christmas drumSome of these are horrible. Enjoy!

    What do they call Santa's helpers?
    Subordinate Clauses

    What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
    Krisp Kringle

    Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?
    Santa's little Elvis

    Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
    "Rude Olph"

  • Christmas Role

    96villager1I was casting kids in our church for our annual Christmas play, and I was giving out choices, such as Shepherd, Lamb, Villager.

    One 5-year-old couldn't decide, so I said, "Luke, you can be a Villager."

    He said, "OK," and ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them:

    "Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!"

  • Christmastime

    santa wink"Christmas is a time when lots of people get Santa-mental."

  • Christmastime Separation

    men model plane“Christmas: That time of year when mother has to separate the men from the toys.”

    - Lee Daniel Quinn

  • More Christmas Puns

    christmas dogsSome of you on this list will actually enjoy these - proof once again of the need for more therapists in the world, lol.

    What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
    It's Christmas, Eve!

    What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
    Santa Claustrophobia!

    What disasters could happen if you dropped the Christmas turkey?
    The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China and the overthrow of Greece!

  • Proud Pawns

    chess gameWhat do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

    Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.