logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Health Jokes

  • Financing Surgery

    Doctor helps wife with husband's snoringA woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring.

    So, she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

    He answered, "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."

    "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!"

    "Hmm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

  • Hiccups Cure

    Hiccup JokeA man entered a drug store and asked to see the pharmacist.

    When the pharmacist came out, the man asked if he could give him a cure for the hiccups.

    The pharmacist immediately reached out and slapped him across the face.

    "What'd you do that for?" the man asked.

    "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"

    "No," the man replied, "but I'd bet that my wife out in the car still does!"

  • Hospital Bill

    Picture of a hospital patientA man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awoke from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

    As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for services. He was asked if he had health insurance.

    He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

    The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

    He replied, "No money in the bank."

    The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

    He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

    The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly. "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God,"

    The patient replies, "That's right! Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

  • I'm Dead

    couple elderlyA husband and wife, both getting on in years, are in bed one morning.

    He takes her hand, and she says, "Don't touch me."

    He says, "Why not?"

    She answers, " Because I'm dead."

    Husband says, "What are you talking about? We're lying here talking to one another."

  • Oneliner #1198

    shoppingI used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...

  • Oneliner #1208

    exercise treadmillUnless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

  • Wacky Warnings

    warning sign clownHere are the top five winning entries in the Wacky Warning Labels contest, sponsored by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch.

    "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."

    On a public toilet: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

    "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to forceful injection of water into body cavities, either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft."

    On an electric router: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

    On a novelty rock-garden set (called Popcorn Rock): "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth."