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Funeral Jokes

  • music choraleAt our local crematorium families are given the chance to chose the music CD they would like to enter the service to.

    One family asked to enter to "Love Me Tender."

    Well, the day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk into the service.

    Unfortunately, the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to "Return to Sender."

  • funeral joke with a tuxedoUnable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill."

    Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

    But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.

    "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie. So I rented him a tuxedo."

  • A joke about a widow at her complaining husband's funeralOnce upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve. He complained about everything.

    One day he went to the creek with his mule and as he went he complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.

    At the funeral, as men walked by Steve's wife she shook her head "yes." Every time women walked by she shook her head "no."

    The minister asked ''Why are you shaking your head "yes" for men and "no" for women?''

    Her response was, ''When the men walk by saying how sorry they feel for me, I respond saying, 'Yes, I'll be alright.' When the women walk by, they keep asking if the mule is for sale"

  • david and goliathArranging Goliath's funeral...

    was a giant undertaking!

  • Keys for the organ and keys for the hearse.Two keys were hanging in the undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other one was for the flower car in the garage.

    Two small signs were above the keys.

    One read "Hymn;" the other "Hearse."