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Management Jokes

  • hot air balloonA man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below says, "Yes, You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are at 38.6927569 degrees Latitude, and -121.26618200000001 longitude".

    "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

    "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost and you are of no help to me."

    The man below says, "You must be a manager."

    "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

    "Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going, You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

  • A funny list of joke tips for Managers and Bosses- Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

    - If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

    - Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

  • A genie in a lamp jokeThree men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer were in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project.

    About midweek they decided to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour.

    Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rubbed the lamp a genie appeared and said, "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."

    The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to live in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and married to a beautiful woman who worships me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

    The software engineer went next. "I would like to live on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and married to a beautiful woman who worships me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

    Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn.  "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

    "I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.