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Birth Jokes

  • A Brother Names the Babies

    face stressed2A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C., (whose husband was out of the country) gets in a car accident and is knocked unconscious.

    When she wakes up 3 days later she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

    The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! - a boy and a girl. We couldn't reach your husband and since your brother was the first one here the day they were born we let him name them for you."

    The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's not very bright!"

    She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

    "Denise."

    "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

    "Denephew."

  • How Was I Born?

    storkA boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"

    "Well, Honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."

    "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.

    "Oh, the stork brought us too."

    "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

    "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

    Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

    "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

  • Pastoral Visit

    picture of priestAfter the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital.

    He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.

    Later, the wife's roommate commented:

    "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."