Cooking Puns

  • bakerHow could a baker not know how flower is spelt?

  • campfire"I must make the fire hotter!" Tom bellowed.

  • couple coffeeA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

    The husband said, "Yes, but you are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it because that is your job. I can just wait for my coffee."

    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."

    Husband replies, "I can't believe that. Show me."

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says...


  • gingerbread family"I just don't want to live in a cookie cutter house."
    - Gingerbread family

  • chefA rare delicacy indeed is sautéed sloth.

    Using the middle toe of the great Australian three-toed sloth, the only edible part of the creature, the careful chef de-bones it, pounds it as with veal, and sautés it briefly over a hot flame with shallots, carrot circles, and the faintest touch of Tabasco. Prepared in this fashion, sloth is an excellent main course, not unlike alligator in texture and taste.

    Many people are under the false impression that sloth does not make a good meal, but this is because they've eaten it improperly prepared. It can only be sautéed, a fact unappreciated in culinary circles.

    Too many cooks broil the sloth.

  • mealWilliam Tell was not only a great patriot and a great archer, he was also a great cook.

    One day, after he had prepared a new dish for his friends, he said, "I think there is one or more spices missing. What do you think?"

    Their answer was, "Only thyme, Will Tell!"

  • Pillsbury Doughboy PunThe Pillsbury Doughboy is my my roll model.

  • food coloringI went to the doctor this morning because I swallowed some food coloring.

    The doctor said I am okay, but I feel like I dyed a little inside.

  • hiker trail compass punSays one hiker, "Dang, I can't find the device that helps me locate delicious mushrooms!"

    Responds his friend, "Oh no! You've lost your morel compass!"

  • butter poundIf we got rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place.

  • hamburger helperHamburger Helper: It works, but only if the hamburger is ready to accept the fact that it needs help.

  • girlWhen it comes to Conversion Tables, this one will take the cake!

    - Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

    - 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

    - 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

  • alphabet soupI just invented a new dish. I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup.

    I call it "Letter Rip!"

  • steakBecoming a vegetarian is a huge "missed steak."

  • pastaWhat do you call a fake noodle?

    An impasta!

  • preservesForbidden fruits create many jams.

  • olive oilCheap olive oil: gets a lot of bad press.

  • 800px Crested Tern Tasmania editNever thought my butcher would turn a sea bird into sausage: but then he took a tern for the wurst.

  • butter poundReal butter fans: Too long they have been margarinalized.

  • Waiter punNot-Evangelism: When a waiter asks you how you want your steak cooked, never say, "Well done, good & faithful servant."

  • vegetablesThis girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

  • water boil2R.I.P. boiled water; you will be mist.

  • wokHow's your wok, brother?

    - Stir Fry Accountability Group