Exercise One-liners

  • Doughboy

    Pillsbury Doughboy PunThe Pillsbury Doughboy is my my roll model.

  • Oneliner #0961

    brainsYour mind needs exercise just as much as your body does: that's why I think of jogging everyday.

  • Oneliner #0965

    exercise copyI just wanna have abs…olutely all the pasta and breadsticks.

  • Oneliner #1005

    yogaI remember when yoga was called Twister.

  • Oneliner #1034

    I am going to be healthy if it kills me.vegetables

  • Oneliner #1043

    dog lazy"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown

  • Oneliner #1064

    stairsMy exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.

  • Oneliner #1066

    ball basketDodgeball: America's twist on stoning.

  • Oneliner #1073

    runnerNever bring a downhill run to an uphill battle.

  • Oneliner #1112

    man largeTold the doctor I thought I had athlete's foot; he looked at me and said, "I don't think you have athlete's anything."

  • Oneliner #1120

    man large1I need to get in shape; if I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.

  • Oneliner #1128

    escalatorI like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

    - Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

  • Oneliner #1135

    man large1If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

  • Oneliner #1139

    bed copyI might wake up early and go running... but I also might win the lottery; the odds are about the same.

  • Oneliner #1157

    man largeMy goal was to lose 10 pounds this year: only 15 to go.

  • Oneliner #1171

    man large2I don't run, and if you ever see me running, you should run too because something is probably chasing me.

  • Oneliner #1185

    spiderI just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

  • Oneliner #1208

    exercise treadmillUnless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

  • Oneliner #1225

    A one liner about exercising and treadmillsSaw some goober at the gym put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.

  • Oneliner #1228

    an atheist, a vegan and a cross fitter jokeAn atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFitter walk into a coffee shop... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

  • That Explains It!

    stomachI got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday; usually either Nestle or Captain.