Exercise One-liners

  • Pillsbury Doughboy PunThe Pillsbury Doughboy is my my roll model.

  • I wanted to go jogging this morning but...I wanted to go jogging this morning but Proverbs 28:1 says "the wicked run when no one is chasing them," so there goes that.

  • brainsYour mind needs exercise just as much as your body does: that's why I think of jogging everyday.

  • exercise copyI just wanna have abs…olutely all the pasta and breadsticks.

  • yogaI remember when yoga was called Twister.

  • I am going to be healthy if it kills me.vegetables

  • dog lazy"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown

  • stairsMy exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.

  • ball basketDodgeball: America's twist on stoning.

  • runnerNever bring a downhill run to an uphill battle.

  • man largeTold the doctor I thought I had athlete's foot; he looked at me and said, "I don't think you have athlete's anything."

  • man large1I need to get in shape; if I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.

  • escalatorI like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

    - Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

  • man large1If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

  • bed copyI might wake up early and go running... but I also might win the lottery; the odds are about the same.

  • man largeMy goal was to lose 10 pounds this year: only 15 to go.

  • man large2I don't run, and if you ever see me running, you should run too because something is probably chasing me.

  • spiderI just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

  • exercise treadmillUnless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

  • A one liner about exercising and treadmillsSaw some goober at the gym put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.

  • an atheist, a vegan and a cross fitter jokeAn atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFitter walk into a coffee shop... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

  • stomachI got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday; usually either Nestle or Captain.