The Pillsbury Doughboy is my my roll model.

I wanted to go jogging this morning but Proverbs 28:1 says "the wicked run when no one is chasing them," so there goes that.

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does: that's why I think of jogging everyday.

I just wanna have abs…olutely all the pasta and breadsticks.

I remember when yoga was called Twister.

I am going to be healthy if it kills me.

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown

My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.

Dodgeball: America's twist on stoning.

Never bring a downhill run to an uphill battle.

Told the doctor I thought I had athlete's foot; he looked at me and said, "I don't think you have athlete's anything."

I need to get in shape; if I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

- Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

I might wake up early and go running... but I also might win the lottery; the odds are about the same.

My goal was to lose 10 pounds this year: only 15 to go.

I don't run, and if you ever see me running, you should run too because something is probably chasing me.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

Saw some goober at the gym put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.

An atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFitter walk into a coffee shop... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.

I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday; usually either Nestle or Captain.