The Pillsbury Doughboy is my my roll model.

I wanted to go jogging this morning but Proverbs 28:1 says "the wicked run when no one is chasing them," so there goes that.

What keeps me going is my inertia.

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does: that's why I think of jogging everyday.

I just wanna have abs…olutely all the pasta and breadsticks.

I remember when yoga was called Twister.

I am going to be healthy if it kills me.

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown

My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.

Dodgeball: America's twist on stoning.

Never bring a downhill run to an uphill battle.

Told the doctor I thought I had athlete's foot; he looked at me and said, "I don't think you have athlete's anything."

I need to get in shape; if I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

- Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

I might wake up early and go running... but I also might win the lottery; the odds are about the same.

My goal was to lose 10 pounds this year: only 15 to go.

I don't run, and if you ever see me running, you should run too because something is probably chasing me.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.

Saw some goober at the gym put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.

An atheist, a vegan, and a CrossFitter walk into a coffee shop... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.

I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday; usually either Nestle or Captain.