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Kitchen Jokes

  • mealWilliam Tell was not only a great patriot and a great archer, he was also a great cook.

    One day, after he had prepared a new dish for his friends, he said, "I think there is one or more spices missing. What do you think?"

    Their answer was, "Only thyme, Will Tell!"

  • cookingTongue: a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

    Yogurt: semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

    Recipe: a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

  • ice cream2Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone. For Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

    ~*~

    Martha's way #2: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

  • cookingMartha's way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up"

    My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's just too bad. My motto is, I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

    **********************
    Martha's way: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.

  • picture of a hot pepperWhen chopping a hot pepper...

    1. Do NOT rub your nose...

    and if you do and it starts to burn...

    2. DON'T put you finger in your nostril to rub it...

    AND IF YOU DO THEN BY ALL MEANS...

    3. DO NOT..."SNORT" WATER UP YOUR NOSE IN AN ATTEMPT TO RINSE THE JUICE
    OUT.

    Please don't ask me how I know...just *trust me*

  • chef badYou can find "You Know You Are a Bad Cook When...part 1" here.

    - The last time you tried to make toast the kitchen caught on fire

    - You make tuna noodle broccoli surprise for your family and the surprise is that it glows in the dark!

    - Your homemade bread can be used as a door stop.

  • chef bad- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

    - You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.

    - Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

    - Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.

    - When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.