Health Puns

  • man trying not to coughThe inventor of throat lozenges has died.

    There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

  • baby3Baby Vaccination Jokes: pretty innocuous.

  • pill bottleIf you leave a bottle of Ritalin inside a Ford Fiesta it will become a Ford Focus.

  • dictionaryI swallowed a dictionary. It gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.

  • men angryI just want to be as thin as my patience.

  • man2PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

  • food cholesteralI didn't mean to gain weight.

    It happened by snaccident.

  • omega3Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me!! Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

  • girlWhen it comes to Conversion Tables, this one will take the cake!

    - Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

    - 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

    - 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

  • milkTo test my faith, I sometimes look right at the 1% mild and ask, "Wilt thou be made whole??"

  • eyeI will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia!

  • vaporizerVaporizers: Some people haven't the foggiest idea how to use them.

  • moodYou got mood poisoning?

    It must be something you hate.

  • lyreA psychologist is meeting with a new patient that just happens to be a musical instrument.

    Says the patient, "I'm a guitar! I'm a guitar!"

    Says the psychologist kindly, "You're a lyre."

  • gymI don't go to the gym; I like for things to work themselves out.

  • Pork Healing PunSmoking will kill you...

    Bacon will kill you...

    But, smoking bacon will cure it.

  • shellHe had a sore back: that's why he was acting so disc hurteous.

  • bus interiorJust take the bus: walk behind a car and you'll get exhausted; walk in front of a car and you'll get tired.