The cops came to my door today to say that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, but I told them they had the wrong house because my dog doesn't own a bike!
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown
"In dog years, I'm dead." - Unknown
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." - Unknown
Sixty percent of pit bull attacks occur between tying the bandanna around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face.
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
- Ann Landers
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."
- Nora Ephron
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
- Ben Williams
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
- Robert Benchley
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
- August Strindberg
Choose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, "Dogs are easily amused;" then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
- Sue Murphy
They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog ready to vomit; nothing makes me jump out of bed faster...
Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going.