Bert: "Say, Ernie, would you like some ice-cream?"

Ernie: "Sherbert."

Breaking News!! Cheese Factory Explosion.

De brie everywhere.

Sorry I ate all the chips: It was a snaccident.

Archaeologists excavating a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

I didn't mean to gain weight.

It happened by snaccident.

"I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!"

- said Tom dolefully

What does a clock do when it's hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.

Especially when I went back for seconds.

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

Said the Thesaurus at the bakery, "I'd like a synonym bun!"

Perkatory: That awful time spent waiting for the first cup of coffee to be ready.

At the grocery store today we saw cobs of corn "on sale" for $4.00 for 4. A buck an ear? That's piracy!

I know a lot about pop; I guess you could say I'm a Fizzisist.

Finally, my winter fat is gone.

Now all I have are spring rolls.

We just had a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.

I hope there is no pop quiz.

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food.

While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"

Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"

"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."

"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary."

I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday; usually either Nestle or Captain.