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Bird Jokes

  • Bilingual Parrot

    parrotThis guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.

    He sees one on a perch with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg.

    He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

    "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

    "And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

    "I fall off my perch, you goober!!" screeches the parrot.

  • Circus Try Out

    circusA man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to Morris, the circus impresario.

    "I have the most unusual act," he announces. "I'm sure it will amaze you."

    He proceeds to climb a tall tower, and jumps off. He flaps his arms wildly, and finally his fall slows. He soars forward, then swoops upward, turns and swoops back again. Finally he stops in mid air and gently lowers himself to the ground landing softly on the toe of one foot.

    Morris stares blankly at him for a long time. Finally he says, "Is that all you've got? Bird imitations?"

  • Computer Dating

    computer keyboardA hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications.

    He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small.

    The computer operated faultlessly.

    It sent him a penguin.

  • Oneliner #0964

    owls eyesIf owls are so smart, how come they don't say, "Whom"?

  • Parrot Dream Fulfilled

    parrotA gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.

    He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50.

    The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500.

    When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?"

    The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?"