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Coffee Jokes

  • Clean Cup

    coffee cupBill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days.

    As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

    "No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."

    "I'll have black coffee too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup is clean."

  • Coffee Delay

    coffee cupIn a rush to work one morning, I pulled up to the drive-through window at a fast-food restaurant and ordered some coffee.

    Because I was in a hurry, I asked them to put a couple of ice cubes in the coffee so it would cool down more quickly and I could drink it faster.

    I sat there at the pickup window for a few minutes, wondering where they had to go to get my coffee, when a frustrated teenager finally came up and said, "I'm sorry for the delay, but the ice you wanted in your coffee keeps melting!"

  • Math Coffee

    coffee cupWhen a mathematician tells you he makes a mean cup of coffee, he means average.

  • Oneliner #0976

    coffee cupA yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.

  • Oneliner #0995

    coffee cupSo I just read Starbucks is planning on selling beer and wine; apparently it's getting difficult to sell sober people a $10 cup of coffee.