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Coffee Jokes

  • Clean Cup

    coffee cupBill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days.

    As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

    "No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."

    "I'll have black coffee too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup is clean."

  • Coffee Delay

    coffee cupIn a rush to work one morning, I pulled up to the drive-through window at a fast-food restaurant and ordered some coffee.

    Because I was in a hurry, I asked them to put a couple of ice cubes in the coffee so it would cool down more quickly and I could drink it faster.

    I sat there at the pickup window for a few minutes, wondering where they had to go to get my coffee, when a frustrated teenager finally came up and said, "I'm sorry for the delay, but the ice you wanted in your coffee keeps melting!"

  • Coffee for Grandma

    coffee cupA sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee.

    The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army men in the bottom of the cup.

  • Coffee Pun 1

    couple coffeeA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

    The husband said, "Yes, but you are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it because that is your job. I can just wait for my coffee."

    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."

    Husband replies, "I can't believe that. Show me."

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says...

    "Hebrews"

  • Math Coffee

    coffee cupWhen a mathematician tells you he makes a mean cup of coffee, he means average.

  • Oneliner #0976

    coffee cupA yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.

  • Oneliner #0995

    coffee cupSo I just read Starbucks is planning on selling beer and wine; apparently it's getting difficult to sell sober people a $10 cup of coffee.

  • Oneliner #1230

    When have you had enough coffee?You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running.