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Sermon Illustrations

  • 10 Rules for a Happy Day

    1. TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK:

    If someone is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone is unkind... I will not respond in a like manner.

    2. TODAY I WILL ASK GOD TO BLESS MY "ENEMY":

    If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly, I will quietly ask GOD to bless that individual. I understand the "enemy" could be a family member, neighbor, co-worker or stranger.

    3. TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY:

    I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not spread gossip.

    4. TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE:

    I will find ways to help share the burden of another person.

    5. TODAY I WILL FORGIVE:

    I will forgive any hurts or injuries that come my way.

    6. TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE, BUT I WILL NOT DO IT SECRETLY:

    I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another.

    7. TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED:

    I will practice the golden rule - "Do unto others as I would have them do unto me" - with everyone I encounter.

    8. TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRITS OF SOMEONE WHO IS DISCOURAGED:

    My smile, my words, my expression of support, can make the difference to someone who is wrestling with life.

    9. TODAY I WILL NURTURE MY BODY:

    I will eat less; I will eat only healthy foods. I will thank GOD for my body.

    10. TODAY I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLY:

    I will spend a little more time in prayer today: I will begin reading something spiritual or inspirational today; I will find a quiet place (at some point during this day) and listen to GOD's voice!!!

    "But since we belong to the day, let us be self controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and hope of salvation as a helmet."

    - 1 Thessalonians 5:8

    - Author Unknown

  • 15 Exercises We'd Be Better Off Without in 2010

    ~ Jumping on the bandwagon

    ~ Wading through paperwork

    ~ Running around in circles

    ~ Pushing your luck

    ~ Spinning your wheels

    ~ Adding fuel to the fire

    ~ Beating your head against the wall

    ~ Climbing the walls

    ~ Beating your own drum

    ~ Dragging your heels

    ~ Jumping to conclusions

    ~ Grasping at straws

    ~ Fishing for compliments

    ~ Throwing your weight around

    ~ Passing the buck

  • 18 Things We Can Learn from a Dog

    18 Things We Can Learn from a Dog

    1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

    2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

    3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

    4. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

    5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

    6. Take naps, and stretch before rising.

    7. Run, romp, and play daily.

    8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

    9. Be loyal.

    10. Never pretend to be something you're not.

    11. If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.

    12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle him or her gently.

    13. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

    14. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

    15. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

    16. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

    17. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

    18. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout... run right back and make friends.

  • A Brokxn Kxy

    typewriterEvxn though my typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works quitx wxll xxcxpt for onx of the kxys. I havx many timxs wishxd that it workxd pxrfxctly.

    It is trux that thxrx arx forty-onx kxys that function wxll xnough, but just onx kxy not working makxs thx diffxrxncx.

    Somxtimxs it sxxms to mx that our church is somxthing likx my typxwritxr -- not all thx kxy pxoplx arx working propxrly.

    As onx of thxm, you may say to yoursxlf, "Wxll, I am only onx pxrson, I don't makx or brxak thx church."

  • A Long Walk

    dog on treadmillOne day after a nasty streak of bad weather, I asked my teenage son to take our dog for a long walk after school.

    When I came home from work, I found my son stretched out on the recliner, watching television.

    He had leash in hand while the dog trotted happily away on the treadmill.

  • A New Day

    sky raysThis is the beginning of a new day.

    You have been given

    this day to use as you will.

    You can waste it or use it for good.

    What you do today is important

    because you are exchanging

    a day of your life for it.

    When tomorrow comes,

    this day will be gone forever;

    in its place is something that

    you have left behind...

    let it be something good.

    - Author unknown

  • A Picture of Peace

    bird nestThere once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.

    One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds.

    All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

    The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall.

  • A Sermon Walking

    train stationReporters and city officials gathered at a Chicago railroad station one afternoon in 1953. The person they were meeting was the 1952 Nobel Peace Prize winner. A few minutes after the train came to a stop, a giant of a man - six feet four inches - with bushy hair and a large mustache stepped from the train. Cameras flashed. City officials approached him with hands outstretched. Various people began telling him how honored they were to meet him.

    The man politely thanked them and then, looking over their heads, asked if he could be excused for a moment. He quickly walked through the crowd until he reached the side of an elderly black woman who was struggling with two large suitcases. He picked up the bags and with a smile, escorted the woman to a bus. After helping her aboard, he wished her a safe journey. As he returned to the greeting party he apologized, "Sorry to have kept you waiting."

    The man was Dr. Albert Schweitzer, the famous missionary doctor who had spent his life helping the poor in Africa. In response to Schweitzer's action, one member of the reception committee said with great admiration to the reporter standing next to him, "That's the first time I ever saw a sermon walking."

    - Author Unknown

  • Adoption

    cribTeacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted.

    A little girl said, "I know all about adoption, I was adopted."

    "What does it mean to be adopted?", asked another child

    "It means", said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!"

  • Aging, Elderly,

    It’s hard to say if its an urban legend or true. Just the same, the poem says what is true and so I’m including it in the list today. Thanks to list member “pmills6734” for sending it to me.

    When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was felt that she had nothing left of any value.

    Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet. Goes to show that we all leave "SOME footprints in time".....

    An Old Lady's Poem

    What do you see, nurses, what do you see?

    What are you thinking when you're looking at me?

    A crabby old woman, not very wise,

    Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?

    Who dribbles her food and makes no reply

    When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"

    Who seems not to notice the things that you do,

    And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.....

    Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,

    With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....

    Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?

    Then open your eyes, nurse;

    you're not looking at me!

    I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,

    As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

    I'm a small child of ten... with a father and mother,

    Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

    A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,

    Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.

    A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,

    Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

    At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,

    Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.

    A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,

    Bound to each other with ties that should last.

    At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,

    But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.

    At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,

    Again we know children, my loved one and me.

    Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;

    I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

    For my young are all rearing young of their own,

    And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

    I'm now an old woman... and nature is cruel;

    'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.

    The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,

    There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

    But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,

    And now and again my battered heart swells.

    I remember the joys, I remember the pain,

    And I'm loving and living life over again.

    I think of the years....all too few, gone too fast,

    And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

    So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,

    Not a crabby old woman; look closer...see ME!!

    Remember this poem when you next meet an old person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within...... We will one day be there, too!

  • Alcohol, Self-Control, Addiction

    airplane1A nervous attendant on a flight announced: "I don't know how this happened, but we have 100 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."

    When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."

    Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"

  • An Old Farmer's Advice

    Good honest advice for life.~ Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

    ~ Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

    ~ A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

    ~ Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

    ~ Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

    ~ Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

  • Animal Instincts

    In the middle of one of Henry Ward Beecher's most potent political speeches, a member of the crowd gave a perfect imitation of a cock crowing. While the audience roared with laughter, the speaker gave no sign of annoyance, but he removed his watch and studied it while the noise died down.

    "That's odd," Beecher said at last. "My watch says it's ten o'clock, but there can't be any mistake. It must be morning, for the instincts of the lower animals are absolutely infallible."

  • Annoyances

    1. When something is "new and improved," which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

    2. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." What good is a stupid cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

    3. When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

    4. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No, I paid $12.00 to come to the theatre and stare at that thing over there. What did you come here for?

    5. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

  • Answers

    Ask Jeeves AnswersMy friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves website, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."

    As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

  • Arrogance

    doctorI've long maintained that the distinction between "professionals" and "amateurs" is often very slight, often amounting to little more than that the former are paid and the latter are not. This is in no small measure because professional arrogance has been known to become intolerable if left unchecked.

    So it happened that a patient was making his first visit to the doctor. "And whom," began the physician with utmost dignity, "did you consult about your illness before you came to me?"

    "Only the pharmacist down at the corner," replied the patient.

  • Assumption

    In World War II my father-in-law was stationed at the Army Air Corps base in Prestwick, Scotland.

    President Franklin Roosevelt was to make a visit at any time, and coded messages were used to alert the air tower of such top-secret arrivals. One night the tower received the message: "Big Dogs Arriving 0600."

    The next morning, as the plane landed on the runway, the entire base awaited the President and his officials. The cargo door opened, the band commenced playing, and the commanding officer led the salute. Jaws dropped in amazement as out onto the red carpet walked the "Big Dogs"... ten large, furry huskies used for military reconnaissance.

  • Atheism

    Atheist HolidayAn atheist complained to a friend,

    "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter. Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur. Muslims have their holidays, such as The Holiday of Charity and The Commemoration of Abraham's Sacrifice. Every religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination, I say!"

    His friend replied, "Well, why don't you celebrate April first?"

  • Attending Worship

    It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches.

    The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his older brother explained.

    "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, He showed up!"

  • Behavior Modification

    An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for "behavior modification reinforcers."

    The principal saw the item and asked, "What on earth are those?"

    "Lollipops," the teacher explained.

  • Bible Reading Page Turner

    bible openEnding his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.

    A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.

    The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high."

    He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are hard to believe."

  • Born Again

    An irate subscriber stormed into a newspaper office waving the current edition, asking to see "whoever wrote the obituary column".

    When referred to a young reporter, he stormed, "You can see I'm very much alive, and you've put me in the obituary column! I demand a retraction!"

    Replied the reporter, "I never retract a story. But I tell you what I'll do. I'll put you in the birth column and give you a fresh start."

  • Brotherly Advice

    supermanCharlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.

    "Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said. "Just flap your arms really hard."

    So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground just a few inches below.

    Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What happened?"

    Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything he's told."

  • Bus Stop

    couple walkingOnce there was couple traveling on a bus in a mountainous area. Close to their destination they decided to get off a bit early and enjoy a short walk the rest of the way.

    After the couple got off the bus, it proceeded on its route, but 100 feet later a huge boulder fell on the bus, crushing it and killing everybody on board.

    Upon see this happen the couple said, "We wish we were on that bus."

    Why do you think they said that?

    Think about it and then scroll down for the answer.

  • Cakes and Ale and Legalism

    writingHere is a purported-to-be-true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day, a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. The following dialog ensued:

    Proctor: I beg your pardon?

    Student: Sir, I request that you bring me cakes and ale.

  • Careless Words

    aircraft carrier USS George WashingtonWhile my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions.

    After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."

    The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing,

    "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We are hunting submawenes."

  • Cast Iron Skillet, Purpose, Fame, Self Image

    I've learned to seek a message in some simple, homey ways,

    And I've found many lessons in the dreariest of days.

    So one day in my kitchen, I began to sing a song

    About the iron skillet that I've cooked with for so long.

    Oh, I've had other vessels of different shapes and brands...

    Bowls with copper bottoms, and shiny pots and pans,

    But when I need a frying pan, each time I seem to choose

    The black cast iron skillet...the one I always use.

    No, its not much to look at; its been around awhile,

    And in a modern kitchen, I suppose it's out of style.

    But it's just the thing for corn bread, or frying up some taters,

    So I'll save my stainless steel pans. Could be I'll use them later.

    The world is like a kitchen; its people, pots and pans.

    Each vessel made for a special use, and not by human hands.

    Precious golden chalices and fancy silver cups,

    And crystal glasses, waiting for the Lord to fill them up.

    Now I'm not much to look at, but the Lord must have a need

    For a common country person who moves at her own speed...

    Whose clothing isn't fancy and whose manners are quite plain:

    If I feel He can use me, then my life is not in vain.

    Each person has a purpose...and if only we will see,

    God has a plan for everyone, and there's a plan for me.

    So maybe now you understand why I can shout and sing:

    I'm a cast iron skillet in the kitchen of a King!

  • Change

    The Amish people lead a simple life. That means no electricity. An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning.

    An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to run a power line through his cow pasture. The Amish man said, "No, no thou cannot."

    "Legally, that paper says we can," replied the gruff worker.

    As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bull into the pasture. As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show HIM thy paper!"

  • Change Your Stance

    golf stanceThe newest member of the country club was taking his initiatory round of golf with the club's officers. He was nervous about making a good impression. He teed up the ball, spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a healthy swing. The golf club removed about a pound of turf, but left the ball intact. Terribly embarrassed, the man again planted his feet, took another healthy swing, and again, totally missed the ball. Although thoroughly exasperated, once again he spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a vibrant swing----and for the third time missed. Whereupon he looked up and said, "Wow, this sure is a tough course."

    Many of us are more like that golfer than we care to admit. We spend our time and energy blaming our problems on circumstances and conditions and cultural contexts, when we should be changing our stance.

    - Leonard Sweet

  • Charity Begins At Home

    A big, burly man visited his pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

    "Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

    "How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"

    They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

  • Childhood Impression

    doorbellI was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.

    At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"

  • Choosing a Husband

    wedding cakeA store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

    On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

  • Christianity, Faith, Righteousness

    manA preacher and the president of a soap manufacturing company went for a walk together.

    The president said, "What good is Christianity? Look at all the trouble and misery of the world! Still there, even after years, thousands of years, of teaching about goodness and truth and love and peace. Still there, after all the sermons and teachings. If Christianity is good and true, why should this be?"

  • Church Attendance, Religion vs. Relationship

    doctor4Strangely enough, this is all true.

    I had heart bypass surgery. For recovery, they have you do an exercise program. So I go to the doctor and he asks if I have been exercising. I reply, "Yes. Religiously."

    "How is it going?"

    "Well, at first it was kind of tiring doing all that once a week..."

    "Once a week?"

    "Yeah, you know, religiously. Just like church. Every seven days."

  • Common Sense

    seat beltMy friend has a lifesaving tool in her car.

    It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

    She keeps it in the trunk.

  • Communication

    teachIn promulgating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable, philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a clarified conciseness, a compact comprehensibility, coalescent consistency, and a concatenated cogency. Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement and asinine affectations.

    Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and veracious vivacity, without rhodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolixity, psittaceous vacuity, ventriloquial verbosity, and vaniloquent vapidity. Shun double-entendres, prurient jocosity, and pestiferous profanity, obscurant or apparent.

    In other words, talk plainly, briefly, naturally, sensibly, truthfully, purely. Keep from slang; don't put on airs; say what you mean; mean what you say.

    And DON'T USE BIG WORDS!

  • Concentrate

    store signWhen a man pulled two guns on convenience store clerk Wazir Jiwi and demanded money, Jiwi asked how much he wanted for one of the guns. He said $100, which Jiwi paid him. Then Jiwi offered to buy the second gun. The robber handed it over, grabbed the cash and headed for the exit. But Jiwi had pushed a button under the counter that automatically locked the door.

    "The thief turned to me and asked what was going on," Jiwi says. "I told him to bring the money back and I would let him go. He brought the money back, and I opened the door."

  • Conclusions and Impressions

    crayonsLittle Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator. One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.

  • Courage

    testA student of philosophy was taking his final written exam at his university. The assignment for the 5-hour long exam was to write an essay on the topic, "What is courage?"

    The young man sat at his desk and thought for a little while. Finally, he scribbled something on the piece of paper in front of him, got up, and turned in the piece of paper.

    All he had written was: "This is."

  • Courtesy

    shopping cartIt was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it.

    The store was loaded with shoppers and as he headed for the six item express lane, the only one that didn't have a long line, a woman completely ignoring the overhead sign slipped into the check-out line just in front of him pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

  • Credit Requests

    old man 4An elderly fisherman wrote the following to a catalog company: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

    In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

  • Curiosity

    bike pumpWaiting for an elevator at a local hospital, I was standing next to a maintenance person holding a bicycle pump.

    Noticing my curious stares, he looked at me and remarked with a smile, "It's the newest HMO oxygen program."

  • Debt

    An old farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. The reporter asked what he is going to do with all the money.

    "Oh, I reckon the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills."

    "And what about the rest?" the reporter continued.

    The farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait."

  • Debt, Repayment, Reputation

    It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."

    "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week."

    "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."

    "But," says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."

    "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."

  • Decision

    froggyA group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

    "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

    The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."

    "Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."

  • Decisions

    job applicationA company was hiring new staff. One question in the written application was:

    You are driving your car in a wild stormy night. You pass by a bus station, and you see three people waiting for the bus: an old lady who looks as if she is about to die, a doctor who had once saved your life, a man/woman you have been dreaming to be with. You can only take one passenger in your car. Which one will you choose? Please explain your answer.

    Think about it before you continue reading.

    This must be some kind of personality test. Every answer has its reasoning.

  • Dependency On God

    pray childPrayer of a child:

    "Bless my mom and dad... and dear God, take good care of Yourself.

    If anything happens to You, we're sunk."

  • Directions to Our Father's House

    *Directions to Our Father's House*

    map coupleMake a Right onto "Believing Blvd."

    Keep straight and go through the Green Light, which is Jesus Christ.

    From there, you must turn onto the "Bridge of Faith," which is over troubled water.

  • Divorce, Service, Intimacy

    As a member of the Marine Corps, I was stationed at Twenty-Nine Palms Base in California. Among those serving there was a private who was determined not to re-enlist. At inspection one morning, the officer asked him, "Are you married, son?"

    "No, sir," he replied. "Engaged."

    "There's no need to get married," the officer said, sensing an opportunity to change the private's plans for discharge. "The Marine Corps is your wife. It clothes you, feeds you, puts a roof over your head, keeps you in top physical condition and provides you with companionship. What else could you possibly want?"

    "With all due respect, sir," answered the private, "a divorce!"

  • Doctor's Note

    An elderly lady came to see a young male doctor with her husband. After the consultation was finished, the elderly man suddenly asked the doctor for a piece of paper and a pen. Although a strange request, he complied, and the man quickly wrote something, then handed the folded piece of paper to the doctor. He told him to read it as soon as they had left.

    The doctor thought that the man perhaps had an embarrassing medical complaint he didn't want to talk about in front of his wife, so the doctor didn't hesitate in obeying the request. Once the couple had left the room, the doctor sat down and read the piece of paper. Its contents were thus:

    "Your fly is undone."