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Sleep Jokes

  • Economy Motel

    motel signOne night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00 a.m. wake-up call.

    The next morning, I awoke before 6:00, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.

    "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call."

    Annoyed, I let the motel worker have it.

    "You were supposed to call me at 6:00 AM!" I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

    "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!"

  • Homage to Fromage

    cheese brieSweet dreams are made of cheese.

    Who am I to dis a brie?

  • Late Night Resolve

    eyeI will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia!

  • Oneliner #0968

    breakfastI love sleep because it's like a time machine to breakfast.

  • Oneliner #0976

    coffee cupA yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.

  • Oneliner #0978

    bed copy"If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side."
    – Stuart Turner

  • Oneliner #1203

    WC FieldsOne Liner Advice: The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

    - W.C. Fields

  • Push Needed

    rainA man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

    "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

    "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"