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Newly-Wed Jokes

  • Dull Razor

    razorOne morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. 

    "What's the matter?" she called out. 

    "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered.

    "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"

  • Goober Doubling

    oven temperature guageIf you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
    http://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober 

    Mr. & Mrs. Goober have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Mr. Goober comes home from work and says that he has invited four of his friends from the office home for dinner on Friday night.

    Mrs. Goober, is a bit apprehensive and asks if she must cook a meal for the four. The husband explains that there will be eight coming because each will bring his wife.

    Since this is their first party, the husband consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake. This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get.

    Friday morning Mrs. Goober calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six.

  • Letter From Mom

    mailboxWhen the man came home, his wife was crying.

    "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

    "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" the man asked.

    "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you and marked private arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

    "And?"

    "At the end of the letter it was written: PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."

  • Modest Income

    Picture of Newlyweds"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?"

    "Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

  • Newlywed Grace

    wedding ringsA recently married man was walking with his father one day and said:

    "My new wife's cooking is so bad, we pray AFTER we eat!"

  • Number Married

    bride and groomI just read a report that stated that last year 4,153,237 people got married.

    I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?