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Travelling Jokes

  • Alligator Teeth

    alligatorA tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.

    "What is it made of?" she asked.

    "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.

    "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

    "Oh no," he objected.

    "Anybody can open an oyster."

  • Economy Motel

    motel signOne night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6:00 a.m. wake-up call.

    The next morning, I awoke before 6:00, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.

    "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call."

    Annoyed, I let the motel worker have it.

    "You were supposed to call me at 6:00 AM!" I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

    "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!"

  • Extra Languages

    megaphone lettersA Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting.

    "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.

    The two guys just stare at him.

    "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare.

    "Parlare Italiano?" No response.

    "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

  • Friendly Pig

    pigA man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink.

    The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

    There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.

  • Glacier Work

    rockA lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?"

    "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.

    "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.

    "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks."

  • I'll Call Back

    rest areaLeaving Montreal for Quebec, I decided to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road.

    I went into the washroom.

    The first stall was taken so I went to the second stall. I'd just sat down when I heard a voice from the next stall... "Hi there, how's it going?"

    Now I'm not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say, but finally I said, "...Not bad..."

  • Oneliner #1144

    personRegarding "Eternal Truths:"

    No matter where you go, there you are.

  • Silent Drums

    drumAn anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.

    "What are those drums?" asked the anthropologist, knowing he was in cannibal country.

    The guide turned to him and said "No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when they stop."

  • Turtle Accident

    snailsTwo snails were standing on the side of the road, a turtle stopped and said, "Do you guys want a ride on my back"?

    One of the snails took him up on his offer and off he went.

    As the turtle reached the intersection another turtle came along and crashed into him. The poor little snail was thrown and killed.

    A cop investigating the accident began questioning the dead snail's buddy. "What happened?" he asked.

    The little snail replied, "I don't know it all happened so fast."

  • Warning Signs

    winter tireOne October, my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on.

    Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles."

  • What Time Is It?

    joggerA man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.