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Sickness Jokes

  • doctor3A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

    On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good, either.

    On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stands in the draft.

    "But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

    "I know," said his physician, "I can cure pneumonia."

  • laxative bottleThe owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. 

    The owner asks the clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" 

    The clerk replies, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

    The owner screams, "You goober!  You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!"

    The clerk calmly replies, "Of course you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"

  • pharmacistBecause of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician.

    I was impressed with the way the doctor directed his comments and questions to my son.

    When he asked Casey, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Casey nodded and whispered in his ear.

    Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me.

    Without looking at it, I tucked it into my purse.

  • George Burn's one-liner about soupWhen I was young, if any of us kids got sick, my mother would bring out the chicken soup. Of course, that didn't' work for broken bones; for broken bones, she gave us boiled beef.

    - George Burns

  • doctor4A middle-aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up.

    After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."

    The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"