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Doctor Puns

  • Hospital Wing

    A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital. This was what they said:

    doctor4The Allergists voted to scratch it. 

    The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves. 

    The Psychiatrists thought it was madness. 

    The Radiologists could see right through it. 

    The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. 

  • Little Voice

    doctor officeA man walks into his doctor's office and says,

    "Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."

    A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."

  • Lofty Vision

    optometristOptimistic Optometrist: “They’ll see. They’ll ALL see.”

  • Negative Result

    medical chartsThey told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.

  • Paediatricians

    childrens handsPaediatricians tend to have very little patients.

  • Pediatricians

    childPediatricians tend to have very little patients.

  • Surgery Pun

    doctor5Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, and demands to know what is going on.

    "I'm about to close," the surgeon says.

    The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision."

    The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."

  • Ummm

    book mysteryYou’re at a loss for words: don’t worry, maybe it’s just aphasia.