A surgeon goes to return some books he borrowed from the library... The librarian quips after checking the books...

"Sir your books are always returned with the last page missing in every single book..."

The surgeon replies, "I can't stop myself from removing an appendix whenever I see one."

A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital. This was what they said:

The Allergists voted to scratch it. 

The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves. 

The Psychiatrists thought it was madness. 

The Radiologists could see right through it. 

The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. 

A man walks into his doctor's office and says,

"Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."

A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."

Optimistic Optometrist: “They’ll see. They’ll ALL see.”

They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.

The surgeons say they might be able to fix my mangled hands: Fingers crossed!

Paediatricians tend to have very little patients.

The psychiatrist's receptionist went to her boss and said, "Doctor, there's a man in the office who thinks he's invisible."

The psychiatrist replied, "Tell him I can't see him."

Pediatricians tend to have very little patients.

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, and demands to know what is going on.

"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.

The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision."

The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."

You’re at a loss for words: don’t worry, maybe it’s just aphasia.