Buyer Beware: Shopping malls have benches, so guys can sit while they give up the will to live.

At the store today, when the cashier said, "Strip down facing me" apparently she was referring to my credit card!

So apparently the security guard at Safeway didn't believe that life gave me that lemon.

I really wish the dollar store would start selling gas.

Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.

Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

- Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 4!

They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry; it's been several days now... what should I do?

One Liner Advice: It pays to buy things you dislike; they last much longer.

The yogurt aisle is so confusing now: It's all Greek to me.