I wish my wallet came with free refills.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
George Burns has some of the best one-liners!
George: Gracie, did the nurse ever happen to drop you on your head when you were a baby?
Gracie: Oh no! We couldn't afford a nurse, my mother had to do it herself.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." - Unknown
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
If people could be paid to die for us, they'd get rich.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!
Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
George: Rich, ME? No, I'm a pauper.
Gracie: Congratulations! Boy or girl?
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, eventually they would find me attractive.
One Liner Advice: It pays to buy things you dislike; they last much longer.
If I had a dollar for every time I've used algebra in my adult life, I'd have "n" dollars.
My bank has a new service where they will text you your balance; it's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end.
I hate when old people say tattoos are a waste of money; like, okay Marion, you have a cabinet of expensive plates people aren't allowed to use.
I like to play blackjack; I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
- Mitch Hedberg
"If you will sacrifice for the sake of money, but will not sacrifice for the sake of Jesus, don't deceive yourself: money is your god."
- David Guzik
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