A man was trying to pull out of a parking place but bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him.

Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit.

The note read:

"Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number, and driver's license number, but I am not."

Murphy decided it was time to buy a new house, so he decided to sell his old house and put the matter in a real estate agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.

After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Does my house have everything your ad says it does?"

The agent said, "It certainly does. Why do you ask?"

Murphy replied, "Cancel the sale. It's exactly what I'm looking for."

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it.

The store was loaded with shoppers and as he headed for the six item express lane, the only one that didn't have a long line, a woman completely ignoring the overhead sign slipped into the check-out line just in front of him pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine," I said.

"Oh, good," she continued. "Will you be vacating your parking space now?"

An elderly fisherman wrote the following to a catalog company: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

I bought a box of self-improvement tapes: "How To Handle Disappointment."

I got it home and the box was empty.

I'd been working on my business degree for about a year when I finally got to take a popular finance course. I went to the bookstore to buy the textbook and was shocked to find out it would cost me $125. I asked how much it was worth if I sold it back at the end of the semester.

"You'll get $50," said the clerk.

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."

He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary."

"How come?" asked the woman.

"Crooks don't usually buy peat moss," answered the clerk.

I bought a great new toilet seat recently. On the label was a suggestion on how to clean it.

Although nice to have the option, I doubt I'll take advantage of it.

My toilet seat, it seems, is "Dishwasher Safe."

By Tammy Rosenfeldt

~ They started off as babies who found my Tupperware drawer much more fascinating than their toy box.

~ The days I change the paper towel roll in the kitchen bring great excitement as they claim their new sword or telescope.

~ Their current toys are only exciting when I either reorganize them/put them neatly away or when I start my garage sale pile.

In the line at the store today, the cashier told an older woman ahead of me that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

The Weight of Prayer (Author Unknown)

Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.

John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store. Visualizing the family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can." John told her he could not give her credit, as she did not have a charge account at his store.

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.