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Manners Illustrations

  • Careless Words

    aircraft carrier USS George WashingtonWhile my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions.

    After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."

    The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing,

    "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We are hunting submawenes."

  • Courtesy

    shopping cartIt was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it.

    The store was loaded with shoppers and as he headed for the six item express lane, the only one that didn't have a long line, a woman completely ignoring the overhead sign slipped into the check-out line just in front of him pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

  • Fishy Dinner

    fisheyeA friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children.

    All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her.

    The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.

    The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"

  • Hospital Complaints

    hospital roomGrandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation.

    By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress.

    Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.

  • Lesson Learned

    old manWhen my son was around 4 years old, we went to the local drug store one afternoon. While in the check out he noticed a bald-headed man behind us in line. I had, as good moms do, been teaching him manners, especially how important they are when in public. I noticed the man the same time my son did and just prayed that he would remember what I had taught him.

    Within seconds, at an unusually quiet moment in the store, my son proclaimed, "Look mama, that man ain't got no hair!" The man was understanding, and even smiled at my son.

    Next, without warning, my son shouted, "And look, he ain't got no teeth either!!"

  • Oneliner #1109

    childChildren are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

  • Secret Sin

    locksmithMy friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town.

    Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property.

    As soon as they were out of sight, the locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and re-locked the car.

  • Thinking Outside of the Box

    stormThis is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

    You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

    1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
    2. An old friend who once saved your life.
    3. The perfect man (or woman) you have been dreaming about.

    Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.