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plane jokes

  • Helicopter Debate

    radio handMy cousin worked on the Alaska pipeline as a welder. He said helicopters were a big help in covering the rugged ground.

    I've never forgotten a story he told about being in the communications room of one of the base camps when a call came in. A panicked voice called to request another helicopter be sent up to the forward work camp.

  • On Time

    plane passenger windowThe passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.

    "Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often that an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am."

    "Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think you should know--this is yesterday's flight."

  • Recruiting Crisis

    F 15 fighter jetThe chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

    The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

    The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

    The general turns to his aide and says, "Sign him up -- all the paper work done, everything, do it today!" The aide hustles the young man off.

    The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

  • Shark Gel

    sharkFlight fifty was having a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice came over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume the crash position. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water."

    "Oh flight attendant! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asked a little old lady, terrified.

    "Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs."

    "And if I use it, the sharks won't eat me?" asked the little lady.

    "Oh, probably not, but they won't enjoy it as much."

  • What Time Is It?

    clockOn some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

    One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

    The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

    The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

    The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference:

    • If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
    • If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours.
    • If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
    • If you are an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
    • If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon.
    • If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours until quitting time."