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pilot jokes

  • First Impressions Passenger

    parachuteA passenger is in a plane enjoying the view of the clouds when a man in a parachute appears at the window. The man says "Would you like to join me?"

    The passenger responds with, "No thanks."

    The man says, "Suit yourself, I'm the pilot."

  • Helicopter Debate

    radio handMy cousin worked on the Alaska pipeline as a welder. He said helicopters were a big help in covering the rugged ground.

    I've never forgotten a story he told about being in the communications room of one of the base camps when a call came in. A panicked voice called to request another helicopter be sent up to the forward work camp.

  • On Time

    plane passenger windowThe passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.

    "Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often that an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am."

    "Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think you should know--this is yesterday's flight."

  • Pope Pun 2

    priestHans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm.

    Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy. After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.

  • What Time Is It?

    clockOn some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

    One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

    The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

    The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

    The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference:

    • If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
    • If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours.
    • If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
    • If you are an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
    • If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon.
    • If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours until quitting time."