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Lazy Jokes

  • daisiesBy the time the wedding planner finally bothered to order the flowers there were none left. ¬†

    The service ended up being quite lackadaisical.

  • tortoiseA young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a job.

    After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.

    When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.

    Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.

    "Where are the tortoises?" he asked.

    "I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whoosh, they were gone!"

  • cookingMartha's way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up"

    My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's just too bad. My motto is, I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

    **********************
    Martha's way: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.

  • bed copyI might wake up early and go running... but I also might win the lottery; the odds are about the same.

  • man restingI used to just crastinate, but I got so good, I went pro!

  • woman winkOne Liner Advice: It's a great activity for someone who doesn't have to do it.

  • Laziness OnelinerHard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

  • man4You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.

    1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

    2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

    3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

  • post it notesOne of our co-workers went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest...

    "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired!"