logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

airport jokes

  • Airport Security

    Airport metal detectorsOn a business trip, my father approached a security checkpoint at the airport. The National Guard shift was rotating, and a guard, in full uniform, was in line in front of him.

    As with everybody else, the soldier was ordered to go through the metal detector. So, as he did so, he handed his M-16 rifle to security personnel along with other items such as handcuffs and a flashlight.

    Still, the alarm sounded when he walked through. Further inspection revealed a little Swiss army knife inside one of his pockets.

    "Sorry, Sir, but this item is prohibited," security said to the soldier.

    Then, taking the knife away, the airport worker handed him back the M-16.

  • Alcohol, Self-Control, Addiction

    airplane1A nervous attendant on a flight announced: "I don't know how this happened, but we have 100 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."

    When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."

    Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"

  • Oneliner #1199

    man afraidSo, apparently airport security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.

  • Packing

    airport securityI was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.

    As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions.

    "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.

  • What Time Is It?

    clockOn some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

    One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

    The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

    The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

    The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference:

    • If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
    • If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours.
    • If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
    • If you are an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
    • If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon.
    • If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours until quitting time."