logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Kid Illustrations

  • 1900 Fatherhood compared to today.In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
    Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

    In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
    Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

    In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
    Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure there is space on the video camera.

  • dog on treadmillOne day after a nasty streak of bad weather, I asked my teenage son to take our dog for a long walk after school.

    When I came home from work, I found my son stretched out on the recliner, watching television.

    He had leash in hand while the dog trotted happily away on the treadmill.

  • A mom finds her boy looking at a web site with photos of Brittney SpearsSeeing my 11-year-old son perusing a website filled with photos of Britney Spears, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which picture do you like best?"

    "I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in girls. "I'm just reading about her."

    I came closer and peered at the screen."Oh, really?" I said.

    "So when did you learn to read Spanish?

  • doorbellI was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.

    At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"

  • A joke about a little boy lost in a the women's locker roomA little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room.

    When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

    The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,

    ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

  • Children ShoppingMy first-grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. Not many days passed before her friend got in the car one morning sporting brand new boots.

    "Beth," I commented, "I see you got new boots. Where did you get them?"

    "At the store," she answered.

    "Which one?" I asked.

    She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them."

  • bishopWe were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"

    There was silence.

    Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally."

  • crayonsLittle Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admired the pictures and hung them on the refrigerator. One thing started bothering her. Little Johnny only used black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decided to take him to a child psychologist.

  • drum2There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various attempts were made to do something about the child.

    One person told the boy that he would if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.

  • class2A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity.

    "Where would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?"

    One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "In the garden of Eden?"

  • pray childPrayer of a child:

    "Bless my mom and dad... and dear God, take good care of Yourself.

    If anything happens to You, we're sunk."

  • grandma grandkidsLaura and Freddy are cousins, and their grandma is babysitting them for the day.

    Although Freddy's mom is the renowned chef in the family, Laura's mom prepared lunch earlier, including potatoes in the oven. But one fell and got badly burnt. Grandma jumped on the occasion to show the kids how to draw with it on a piece of paper.

    Sad, Freddy observed:

    "My mom would NEVER burn potatoes for me!"

  • meal familyLittle Mikey and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Mikey received his plate, he started eating right away.

    "Mikey! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother.

    "I don't need to," the boy replied.

    "Of course, you do," his mother insisted through gritted teeth. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

    "That's at our house," Mikey explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

  • child sadA Sunday school teacher was telling her youngsters about Daniel and the Lion's Den. To illustrate the lesson she had a picture of Daniel standing, brave and confident, with a group of lions around him. Suddenly, one little girl started to cry.

    The teacher said, "Don't cry. The lions are not going to eat Daniel."

    Holding back sobs and tears the girl said, "That's not what I'm crying about. That little lion, over in the corner, isn't going to get anything to eat."

  • strollerWhile visiting the Atlanta area, I walked through a lovely park with a wide path where people could jog, run their dogs or ride trail bikes. As I descended a hill, I saw a woman coming toward me, pushing a stroller with two toddlers in it.

    "We're coming to a hill," the woman announced to her children, "so you'll have to help me. Are you ready?"

    I wondered how the little ones could be of assistance, but as I passed by I heard them earnestly repeating their encouragement:

    "I think I can, I think I can..."

  • drivewayThe teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

    Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.

    "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

    "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $500."

  • laundry machinesIt was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home.

    "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered.

    "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her."

    The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide.

    "Mom!" she shrieked. "Come quick! It's the stork!"

  • boy happyMy dad gave me one dollar bill
    'Cause I'm his smartest son,
    And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
    'Cause two is more than one!

    And then I took the quarters
    And traded them to Lou
    For three dimes--I guess he didn't know
    That three is more than two!

  • man angryOn the Upper West Side lived a man who was a very militant atheist but he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its Christian roots, it was a great school. After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, "By the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost."

    The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares,

    "Danny, I'm going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God and we don't believe in Him!"

  • teenagers boysThe two teenagers were arrested for disorderly conduct. The police sergeant told them they were entitled to a phone call. Sometime later a man entered the station and asked for them by name.

    The sergeant said, "I suppose you're the lawyer?"

    "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver their pizza."

  • children4"The only accidents are the ones you make in your pants."
    Ari K, age 7

    "Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals."
    Donna Maria G, age 9

    "Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you."
    Rob P, age 8

    "If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it."
    Steven B, age 8

  • arrow drawA salesman is driving down a country road when he sees a young kid in front of a barn. On the barn are 5 targets with arrows in the bull's eye of each target. Screeching to a stop he runs out to the kid amazed that this kid could shoot so well.

    "Son," he says, "how did you hit all those bull's eyes?"

    "Well sir," the boy replied, "I take the arrow and lick my fingers like this, then I take my fingers and straighten the feathers like this, take aim with my hand against my cheek, let go and where ever the arrow hits, I draw a bull's eye."

  • child and dadGod uses little people
    to do things needing done,
    And since he lives inside of us,
    He and us are one.

    God wants to use our bodies,
    Our feet and hands and heart,
    To do his tasks is what he asks,
    And now we need to start.

  • storm cloudsA boy was helping his mother bring the clothes in off the line as a storm threatened.

    As they brought in the last armload and closed the door, the boy waved his hand at the heavens and said, "Okay God! Let'er go!"

  • children playI want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when...

    * Decisions were made by going "Eeny-meeny-miney-mo."

    * Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do over!"

    * "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

  • child bed"Peter!" his mother scolded, "There were two cookies in the pantry this morning but now there's only one! Do you have an explanation?"

    Peter replied, "It must have been too dark and I didn't see the other one."

  • girl3A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have an open-house nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house.

    One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him.

    "Now we're getting somewhere," he said. "Tell me the secret. I promise I won't tell anyone."

    She looked him straight in the eye before whispering, "We have monsters in our sewer."

  • child and boys clubI was taking my six-year-old son to sign him up at the Chicago Boys Club, an event he had been long waiting for.

    As I parked in front of the building he stated; "This isn’t the boys club."

    I looked through the windshield and looked at the Boys Club sign. I asked him, "If this isn’t the boys club, then where is it?"

  • baby feetIn the maternity ward of a hospital, newborn girl baby looks over at newborn boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"

    The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"

    "How can you tell?" asks girl baby.

    "Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty nightshirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties!"

  • sermon writing

    A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.

    "How do you know what to say?" he asked.

    "Why, God tells me."

    "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

     

  • dad daughterI had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always expressed great interest. So I thought it would be a treat for her to spend the day with me at the office. Since I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn't tell her where we were going, just that it would be fun.

    Although usually a bit shy, she seemed excited to meet each colleague I introduced. On the way home, however, she seemed somewhat down.

    "Didn't you have a nice time?" I asked.

    "Well, it was okay," she responded, "but I thought it would be more like a circus."

    Confused, I asked, "Whatever do you mean?"

    She said, "Well, you said you work with a bunch of clowns, and I never got to see them!"

  • Children's thoughts on the BibleThe statements below are said to have been written by actual students, that they are genuine and NOT retouched or corrected:

    - Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

    - The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount cyanide to get the ten amendments.

    - The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

    - The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.

  • ice cream2In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

    "How much is an ice cream sundae?"

    "Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

    The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. "How much is a dish of plain ice cream?" he inquired.

    Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she said brusquely.

  • child and dadA little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

    "And why not, darling?"

    "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

  • old manWhen my son was around 4 years old, we went to the local drug store one afternoon. While in the check out he noticed a bald-headed man behind us in line. I had, as good moms do, been teaching him manners, especially how important they are when in public. I noticed the man the same time my son did and just prayed that he would remember what I had taught him.

    Within seconds, at an unusually quiet moment in the store, my son proclaimed, "Look mama, that man ain't got no hair!" The man was understanding, and even smiled at my son.

    Next, without warning, my son shouted, "And look, he ain't got no teeth either!!"

  • class1A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

    "Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark."

    The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

    About half the class rose and came forward.

    "The rest of you may leave," said the teacher. "These students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter in the Book of Mark."

  • child boyLittle Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while, he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.

    "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."

    "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Little Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

  • children2Little Billy took his girlfriend downtown to get married.

    The marriage license clerk smiled and explained that they were both much too young.

    Little Billy asked, "Could you give us a learners permit then?"

  • studentMy son came home from school one day,
    with a smirk upon his face.
    He'd decided he was smart enough,
    to put me in my place.

    "Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
    that's taught by Mr. Wright?
    It's all about the laws today,
    The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

  • Easter rock by Marilyn h(Thanks to subscriber Marilyn H. for sending in a picture of her Easter rock.)

    My friend was telling me that she was talking to her grand-daughter about Christmas and how the world celebrates the birth of Jesus at this time.

    The child then asked, "And then it is Easter again?"

    "Yes," my friend replied.

    "Is that when they crucified Jesus and He rose again?" she asked.

  • Teenagers see the opportunity.Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection.

    Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.

    Eventually, a sports car pulled up, and two teens got out.

    "This I've got to see," I thought.

    They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off laughing.

  • sheep2A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible: Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

    Little Rick was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rickey was very nervous.

    When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

  • classroomThe math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

    Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

  • watergunsWhen my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased.

    I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

    Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

  • children4I was leaving for a two-day conference, and my seven-year-old daughter, Katherine, was becoming overly clinging and teary.

    I was mystified at her emotional reaction until I heard her say to my husband,

    "Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle this tooth fairy thing?"

  • man sonTeddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

    "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

    There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

    "That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that."

    "OK," said Teddy cheerily. "I slid down the railing!"

  • baby2Brian and Cathleen took their newborn, Emily, to meet her cousins, Erin and Savannah, in Oklahoma. The cousins were delighted with her and watched everything the adults did with Emily including changing her diapers. The girls were sitting right beside Brian the first time he changed one of Emily's messy diapers.

    When he opened her diaper he said, "Ew! She pooped!"

    Erin looked at him and asked, "Didn't they tell you she would do that?"

  • bible girlA Sunday school teacher asked her class if anyone could quote the entire 23rd Psalm.

    A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old girl was among those who raised their hands. A bit skeptical, the teacher asked if she could really quote the entire psalm. The little girl came to the front of the room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and said, "The Lord is my shepherd, that's all I want."

    She bowed again and went and sat down.

    That may well be the greatest interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ever heard.

  • doorbellWe had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town.

    Early the next morning, a Saturday, our 3 1/2-year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us up.

    I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us.

    About 20 minutes later, he came running back.

    "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody has doorbells - and they all work."

  • bambooDid you know that there is a certain type of bamboo in Japan that only flowers once every 120 years?

    It's certainly puzzling how this plant can keep track of time, but everything 119 years before it germinates will determine how much the bamboo will bloom. And that's a long time to wait to see the results.

    In the same way, children don't always blossom on your timetable. The love, discipline and instruction you pour into their lives cannot be immediately seen. Your job as a parent is to prune and nourish your children in anticipation of their blooming. And once they do, you'll see them grow rapidly into patient, loving and consistent people.

    The latest bloomers often have the most striking and beautiful flowers.