Dieting One-liners

  • woman large2Been on a diet for two weeks and all I lost is 14 days.

  • donutsPLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet; maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.

  • weight scaleThe only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.

  • cupcakes copyOnce you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin and muffins are healthy; You’re welcome.

  • food cholesteralI personally stay away from health foods. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.

    - George Burns

  • motorcycleI drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

  • scalesEleanor Roosevelt once said, "Do one thing every day that scares you;" and that's why I weigh myself in the mornings.

  • man large2I don't mean to brag, but... I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

  • woman deskA recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

  • man large1I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.