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Dieting Jokes

  • Diet Skipping

    calendarMr. Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

    "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

    When Mr. Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

    "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

    Mr. Lee nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

    "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

    Replied Mr. Lee, "No, from skipping."

  • Eyes of Love

    child boyMy mother's friend joined Weight Watchers, and the other day when she was getting ready to go to the weekly meeting her little grandson asked her where she was going. She said she was going to her fat club.

    When she got back home her grandson said, "Well Grandma, are you fat yet?"

  • How To Lie to a Bathroom Scale

    man large21. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

    2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

    3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

  • Oneliner #0975

    weight scaleThe only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.

  • Oneliner #0977

    cupcakes copyOnce you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin and muffins are healthy; You’re welcome.