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Advertising Jokes

  • car oldIf the car ad claims these items, it really means:

    - rough condition = too bad to lie about

    - parts car = beyond repair

    - immaculate = recently washed

    - engine quiet = if you use 90-weight oil

    - needs minor overhaul = needs an engine

  • barber poleA new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place.

    They put up a big bold sign which read:

    "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

    Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:

    "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

  • newspaper1Ernest Shackleton's recruiting advertisement for his 1912 Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition:

    "Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success."

    If Shackleton were advertising today:

    "Members wanted for adventure trek. Low cost, cool sights, lots of fun nights, thrills galore, insurance available. Get your picture in 'Outdoor' magazine."

  • Poorly worded ad causes trouble.The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

    MONDAY:

    For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

    TUESDAY:

    Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

    WEDNESDAY:

    Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

    THURSDAY:

    Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit.

  • church people- Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements.

    - In Christmas play, Joseph seen drinking can of Coke.

    - Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench.

    - Personal pew licenses now sold.

    - Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World.

    - Statue of Moses seen holding keys to a Jeep.

    - The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters.

    - Scripture verses brought to you by Microsoft Office.