In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure there is space on the video camera.

We used to celebrate "bring your kid to work day" but thanks to the internet and telecommuting we can now celebrate "bring your work to kids day!"

My dad gave me one dollar bill
'Cause I'm his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
'Cause two is more than one!

And then I took the quarters
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes--I guess he didn't know
That three is more than two!

I've got 3 TVs, cable and a satellite dish. I have 3 phone lines in the house, a cell phone and one in the car.

I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers and one weekly one. I watch both the local and the network news every evening.

And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch.

One day a young boy ran crying to his mother and rubbing his behind. His mother said, "Bobby, why are you crying?"

"Because daddy hit his thumb with the hammer!" little Bobby wailed.

"Why, that's not something to cry over," his mother told him. "That should make you laugh."

Bobby rubbed his behind and said tearfully, "I DID laugh!"

A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges. One Friday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk to the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

I was taking my six-year-old son to sign him up at the Chicago Boys Club, an event he had been long waiting for.

As I parked in front of the building he stated; "This isn’t the boys club."

I looked through the windshield and looked at the Boys Club sign. I asked him, "If this isn’t the boys club, then where is it?"

I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always expressed great interest. So I thought it would be a treat for her to spend the day with me at the office. Since I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn't tell her where we were going, just that it would be fun.

Although usually a bit shy, she seemed excited to meet each colleague I introduced. On the way home, however, she seemed somewhat down.

"Didn't you have a nice time?" I asked.

"Well, it was okay," she responded, "but I thought it would be more like a circus."

Confused, I asked, "Whatever do you mean?"

She said, "Well, you said you work with a bunch of clowns, and I never got to see them!"

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?"

"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Ohio town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries, and comedies.

When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peekaboo and other games slowly took their toll. One evening she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot, sank to the floor.

I rushed to her side and asked where it hurt.

She looked at me through tear-filled eyes and managed to moan,

"It's the piggy that ate roast beef."

I was leaving for a two-day conference, and my seven-year-old daughter, Katherine, was becoming overly clinging and teary.

I was mystified at her emotional reaction until I heard her say to my husband,

"Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle this tooth fairy thing?"

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

"Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

"That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that."

"OK," said Teddy cheerily. "I slid down the railing!"

A little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear that?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, it doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."

"I do so!" Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start."

Brian and Cathleen took their newborn, Emily, to meet her cousins, Erin and Savannah, in Oklahoma. The cousins were delighted with her and watched everything the adults did with Emily including changing her diapers. The girls were sitting right beside Brian the first time he changed one of Emily's messy diapers.

When he opened her diaper he said, "Ew! She pooped!"

Erin looked at him and asked, "Didn't they tell you she would do that?"

Did you know that there is a certain type of bamboo in Japan that only flowers once every 120 years?

It's certainly puzzling how this plant can keep track of time, but everything 119 years before it germinates will determine how much the bamboo will bloom. And that's a long time to wait to see the results.

In the same way, children don't always blossom on your timetable. The love, discipline and instruction you pour into their lives cannot be immediately seen. Your job as a parent is to prune and nourish your children in anticipation of their blooming. And once they do, you'll see them grow rapidly into patient, loving and consistent people.

The latest bloomers often have the most striking and beautiful flowers.

Being rejected by a parent is one of the deepest hurts and pains we can experience in life.

Real life shepherd, Ray Carman, shares about the hope all who have been so rejected have in the care that their Shepherd has for them.

"Simple Prayer"

My son Gilbert was eight years old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time.  During one of his meetings he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and give all to "dad".

That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do.  Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son.  But Gilbert tried.  Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young, eager son.  The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed.

A Teenager is . . .

-A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

-A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

-A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

Top 10 Wrong Ways to Initiate Your Son Into Manhood

10. Teach him the secret male ritual of leaving the toilet seat up and the toilet paper roll empty.

9. Have a ceremony where you give him his own remote control.

8. Lead him through an afternoon of rigorous physical training in the back yard while you sit in a lawn chair with a half-gallon of ice cream.

7. Eat until you're about to burst and then ride the Screamin' Hurler roller coaster.

One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.

When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, "See the doggy?"

Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.

However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, "See the baby?"

A man had a habit of grumbling at the food his wife placed before him at family meals. Then he would ask the blessing. One day after his usual combination complaint-prayer, his little girl asked, "Daddy, does God hear us when we pray?"

"Why, of course," he replied. "He hears us every time we pray."

She thought about this a moment, then asked, "Does he hear what we say when we're not praying too?"

"Walk a little plainer daddy," said a little boy so frail,

"I'm following your footsteps and I don't want to fail.

Sometimes your steps are plain, sometimes they are hard to see;

So walk a little plainer Daddy, for you are leading me.

I know that once you walked this way many years ago;

A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.