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Doctor Illustrations

  • doctorI've long maintained that the distinction between "professionals" and "amateurs" is often very slight, often amounting to little more than that the former are paid and the latter are not. This is in no small measure because professional arrogance has been known to become intolerable if left unchecked.

    So it happened that a patient was making his first visit to the doctor. "And whom," began the physician with utmost dignity, "did you consult about your illness before you came to me?"

    "Only the pharmacist down at the corner," replied the patient.

  • doctor3A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."

    "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars."

    "Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I'll go home and try to make friends with them!"

  • doctor4While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

    "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"

    "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."

  • old ladyMy friend Ida was slowly recovering from a heart attack. "Doctor," she pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's Bar Mitzvah."

    "We'll try," he replied compassionately.

    In due course Ida gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.

    Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."

  • doctor fileI sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history.

    After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at me and said, "You look better in person than you do on paper."

  • doctor4A middle-aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up.

    After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."

    The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"

  • cemetaryIn a small town in America, there was a Doctor Brackett. He was known as the poor man's friend because he spent hours at the bedside of unfortunates and never ever took a fee from them. He lived in two upstairs rooms over a grocery store. At the foot of the stairs going to his quarters was a painted sign which said: DOC BRACKETT - OFFICE UPSTAIRS.

    He even lost his girlfriend, whom he wanted to marry, because, he spent more time with the sick than with her. He spent a life of selfless dedication to any and every person around him. When he died, his funeral was the biggest ever seen in that town.

    At a meeting afterwards, the townspeople tried to figure out what kind of monument to erect to the memory of the doctor. A couple who had been especially helped by the doctor, on their way home from the meeting, removed the sign from his door and the following day it appeared over his grave.

    It read: DOC BRACKETT - OFFICE UPSTAIRS.