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Top Ten Lists

  • Preparing For Ski Season

    ski fallSki season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared:

    16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

    15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

    14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

  • Signs of A Bad Baptismal Service

    baptism*Top Ten Signs You are At a Bad Baptismal Service*

    10. The Coast Guard is involved.

    9. The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks.

    8. Pastor wears scuba gear.

    7. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from "Jaws."

    6. The preacher uses a "Billy the Bass" singing "Take Me to the River" instead of the traditional "Shall We Gather at the River?"

  • Signs That You're Suffering Burnout

    sleeping at work*Signs That You're Suffering Burnout*

    10.  You're so tired, that you now answer the phone, "Hell."

    9.  Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back!"

    8.  When your parents inquire about your grades, you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."

    7.  You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.

  • Songs For People Over 40

    head phones*Top 10 Songs for People Over 40*

    10. Let's Get a Physical

    9. Ain't No Burrito Mild Enough

    8. Johnny B. Olde

    7. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything

    6. The Lack O' Motion

    5. Hair Potion Number Nine

  • The Bethelehem Innkeeper's Top 10 Excuses

    Here are the top ten excuses the Bethlehem Innkeeper gave for not giving Joseph and Mary a room.

    The Innkeepers Top 10 Excuses...

    10. Roman's "Stay Free" promotion a bit too successful.

    9. Wife said he couldn't accept olive wood carvings as payment anymore.

    8. Too busy getting new "Motel One" franchise going.

    7. Last pregnant lady riding a donkey took all their towels.

    6. Filled up for the "Caesar Impersonators'" convention.

    5. Didn't accept the Judean Express Card.

    4. Last room left was by the ice machine.

    3. Nazareth Shriners tore up the place the night before.

    2. Closed front desk early to take family to watch unique star.

    1. No last names, no service.

  • The Top Ten Things Not to Do at Your Child's Performance or Sports Event

    crowd110. Try to pep up the dance recital crowd by starting "the wave."

    9. Do a halftime trampoline show.

    8. With your buddies, spell out your child's name on your chests.

    7. Mimic the conductor.

    6. Start a paper airplane contest with the program.

    5. Clip your toenails.

  • Top 10 Holiday Gift Things To Say

    giftTop 10 things to say about a holiday gift you don't like:

    10) Hey! There's a gift.

    9.) Well, well, well...

    8.) Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes, that would've fit.

    7.) Perfect for wearing in the basement.

    6.) Wow, I hope this never catches fire!

    5.) If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!

    4.) I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

    3.) Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

    2.) To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

    1.) I really don't deserve this.