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English One-liners

  • glue stickGlue stick: is that redundant or an epoxymoron? 

  • computer keyboardDon't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

  • uspennyIn the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?

  • truck 2The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.

  • thesaurusI misplaced my thesaurus and feel terrible; just terrible, really terrible.

  • thinkingDon't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

  • English is the Lingua Franca par excellence!book world

  • ostrichIf anything is on your mind, get it off your chest.

  • book mysteryI hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

  • person shrugWhy do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"?

  • roosterDon't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people).

  • woman shrugOn one hand, I'm indecisive, but on the other, I'm not.

  • woman4Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

  • girlI'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

  • man2Regarding "Eternal Truths:"

    Show me an honest man and I'll show you a man who tells the truth.

  • cell phoneAuto-correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.

  • office womanI'm as good at making similes as someone who is really good at making similes.

  • orangesIf you say "GULLIBLE" slowly it sounds like "ORANGES."

  • couple5The "Flat Earth Society" has members all around the globe.

    Now say that again, slowly.

  • gorillaI hate making spelling errors on Facebook; mix up 2 letters and your whole post is urined.

  • man sadSadly, the days of people using proper English are went.

  • A one-liner about long words.Don't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

  • bakerySaid the Thesaurus at the bakery, "I'd like a synonym bun!"

  • shakespeare booksAfter the London Playwrights Guild found out what Shakespeare was up to, he was bard for life.

  • theatreI did a theatrical performance about puns.

    It was a play on words.