English One-liners

  • Adhesive Question

    glue stickGlue stick: is that redundant or an epoxymoron? 

  • Oneliner #0983

    uspennyIn the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?

  • Oneliner #0986

    truck 2The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.

  • Oneliner #0993

    thesaurusI misplaced my thesaurus and feel terrible; just terrible, really terrible.

  • Oneliner #1001

    thinkingDon't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

  • Oneliner #1036

    English is the Lingua Franca par excellence!book world

  • Oneliner #1040

    ostrichIf anything is on your mind, get it off your chest.

  • Oneliner #1046

    book mysteryI hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

  • Oneliner #1048

    person shrugWhy do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"?

  • Oneliner #1094

    roosterDon't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people).

  • Oneliner #1118

    woman shrugOn one hand, I'm indecisive, but on the other, I'm not.

  • Oneliner #1131

    woman4Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

  • Oneliner #1132

    girlI'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

  • Oneliner #1145

    man2Regarding "Eternal Truths:"

    Show me an honest man and I'll show you a man who tells the truth.

  • Oneliner #1182

    cell phoneAuto-correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.

  • Oneliner #1192

    office womanI'm as good at making similes as someone who is really good at making similes.

  • Oneliner #1210

    orangesIf you say "GULLIBLE" slowly it sounds like "ORANGES."

  • Oneliner #1215

    couple5The "Flat Earth Society" has members all around the globe.

    Now say that again, slowly.

  • Oneliner #1219

    gorillaI hate making spelling errors on Facebook; mix up 2 letters and your whole post is urined.

  • Oneliner #1223

    man sadSadly, the days of people using proper English are went.

  • Oneliner #1234

    A one-liner about long words.Don't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

  • Patisserie Solicitation

    bakerySaid the Thesaurus at the bakery, "I'd like a synonym bun!"

  • Theatre Ban

    shakespeare booksAfter the London Playwrights Guild found out what Shakespeare was up to, he was bard for life.

  • Word Play

    theatreI did a theatrical performance about puns.

    It was a play on words.