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English One-liners

  • glue stickGlue stick: is that redundant or an epoxymoron? 

  • computer keyboardDon't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

  • facebook1If Facebook has taught us anything, it's that a lot of you are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.

  • man stressed1What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

  • woman6When I told my parents over the phone that my husband has the flu, my dad said, "Have you tried euthanasia?" and in the background, my mom yelled, "For the last time, it's echinacea!"

  • walkie talkieWalkie-talkies neither walk nor talk; they should be called holdie-noisies.

  • man somberAnyone who goes to a psychoanalyst should have his head examined.

    - Samuel Goldwyn

  • uspennyIn the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?

  • truck 2The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.

  • thesaurusI misplaced my thesaurus and feel terrible; just terrible, really terrible.

  • thinkingDon't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

  • English is the Lingua Franca par excellence!book world

  • ostrichIf anything is on your mind, get it off your chest.

  • book mysteryI hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

  • person shrugWhy do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"?

  • roosterDon't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people).

  • woman shrugOn one hand, I'm indecisive, but on the other, I'm not.

  • woman4Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

  • girlI'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

  • man2Regarding "Eternal Truths:"

    Show me an honest man and I'll show you a man who tells the truth.

  • cell phoneAuto-correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.

  • office womanI'm as good at making similes as someone who is really good at making similes.

  • orangesIf you say "GULLIBLE" slowly it sounds like "ORANGES."

  • couple5The "Flat Earth Society" has members all around the globe.

    Now say that again, slowly.

  • gorillaI hate making spelling errors on Facebook; mix up 2 letters and your whole post is urined.

  • man sadSadly, the days of people using proper English are went.

  • A one-liner about long words.Don't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

  • bakerySaid the Thesaurus at the bakery, "I'd like a synonym bun!"

  • shakespeare booksAfter the London Playwrights Guild found out what Shakespeare was up to, he was bard for life.

  • theatreI did a theatrical performance about puns.

    It was a play on words.