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Driving Jokes

  • Bridge Pun

    bridge in dcIn Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions.

    Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem.

    The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.

  • Marriage Teamwork

    police pull overA Police officer pulls over a speeding car.  The Officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mph. sir."

    The driver says, "But officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

    Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

    As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

    The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

  • Oneliner #1030

    bald2What do they put for 'hair color'  on the driver's licenses of bald men?

  • Oneliner #1089

    car w driver2You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

  • Oneliner #1190

    car w driver2The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car: "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you!"

  • Permitted To Learn

    car w driver2As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

    One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

    When the first student had completed her time, I asked her to change places with one of the others.

    Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, she asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"

  • Speeding Ticket

    police pull overA lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

    After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

    "Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

    "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"

  • Tail Light

    tail light2"How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?" demanded the policeman.

    The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low moan.

    His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

    "Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."

    "It isn't?" cried the motorist.

    "What happened to my boat and trailer?"

  • Trooper Delivery

    chicken kentucky fried storeOne day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago.

    When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car.

    The trooper pursued him, pulled him over and walking up to the car he pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver.

    The driver looked at the trooper and said, "No thanks, I just bought some."